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Karma exists. And my only defense against being swallowed by it Sunday was a death grip on my steering wheel.
I'm talking about how a massive snow and sleet storm is a really bad time to come back to the Maritimes after a tropical holiday.
I managed to steal away to Brazil for the holidays, a reunion that brought the family all together in one place for the first time in three years.
Brazil was Brazil. It was nice. It was chaos. It rained every afternoon. And it was bloody, disgustingly hot, with the sweat drenching you from top to toe the moment you wake up and step out of your air-conditioned bedroom.
I had a good time. I got some sun. I got to see the folks. I got to see how my Portuguese is after years of idleness (prognosis: rusty).
But even so, I knew. As I packed my bags and got ready to head down to the airport, I knew there would be payback.
Because, in the dead of winter, I dared escape to another clime that didn't involve scraping frost and digging out. The gods would not be pleased with this inversion of the natural order, and they'd be waiting for me.
So I expected my connection to Moncton to be cancelled or redirected for four hours to another city or something but, aside from a half-hour delay and a couple of really bad turbulence spots, it went swimmingly. Had I cheated my doomed destiny?
No. My non-escape became apparent when I had to get my bags to my car, forcing the cart through an unplowed, two-inch deep part of the parking lot, in the face of a driving wind bombarding my eyes with tiny shards of frozen rain.
Then, of course, the marvelous ordeal of hacking the hardened snow covering off my vehicle so I can see enough to brave the highway back to Miramichi, but after that was done, of course, came the sigh of relief.
The worst was over. All that was left was an hour and a half's drive back to Miramichi, where I could finally unpack and rest up for a bit before mustering the courage to do those dirty dishes that had been mouldering for ten days.
See? That's how much warm weather kills your brain cells. I seriously thought it would be an easy drive.
It wasn't, of course. Up until last weekend, I thought 'weather bomb' was some made-up media catchphrase, not an actual weatherman's term for the hideous situation that made everyone's life a misery for three days and got bad enough to actually claim three lives.
Wasn't the worst weather I, or anyone, had ever driven through. But the roads were poorly plowed, the snow-slash-freezing rain was horizontal and I was battling a couple hours jet lag on top of no sleep during the flight up from South America.
Not a good frame of mind to be driving, even though by that time, the weather bomb was a pitiful shadow of its former self.
Still a formidable shadow, though. The bomb became a dark tunnel through some snowy underworld, though which I crawled at a breakneck 70 kph . Yes, I was that guy. All you guys in your trucks or SUVs can deal with it or pass. I ain't going the speed limit, not with a half-inch of wet snow on the road.
At every milestone, I cursed the weather gods. Just ... not too loudly.
Bit dramatic, I know, but you have to remember, I was standing on a hot beach in a tropical paradise 24 hours before, and I've had one weather-related accident on that road once already. Those aren't fun, and I wasn't interested in a repeat.
Didn't want to be late for work the next day either, burned down city landmarks and all. If you're reading this, I trust you are doing so with a total lack of sympathy, given where I was for my vacation. Imagine how my coworkers must have felt, although I hoped to buy their goodwill with a few Brazilian chocolates and a generous load of tropical coffee purchased from the finest of run-down Rio corner stores. Being late after a Brazilian getaway is a poor way to win the office popularity contest.
Ah, well. I got there, I got back to work and at least the temperature's been decent, at not too far above or below zero.
In Brazil, that would be catastrophic. For me and the Maritimers, it's rather nice.
Good to know my little tropical sojourn hasn't messed up my temperature tolerance.
Staff reporters will offer their views in this space on Wednesday and Friday. Daniel Martins covers the political beat.

